Suppressing Memories and Emotions as a Child

Childhood should be a time of exploration, wonder, and growth. However, for children living in abusive home environments, the opposite is often true. To survive overwhelming circumstances, children may learn that suppressing their memories and emotions in an abusive home is a coping mechanism that can have lasting implications on their mental health and overall well-being. In my case, these implications are now out in full force as an adult, affecting my current mental health, well-being, relationships, and work.

Why Children Suppress Memories and Emotions

Children are incredibly adaptive, and if you are a parent, you will understand this with your children. When I was faced with situations of witnessing abuse/or enduring (not from my parents but someone else), my mind and body often found ways to protect myself from the emotional and psychological pain. Suppressing memories and emotions was one such survival strategy. But why did I do this?

Overwhelming Fear: Abuse—whether physical, emotional, or verbal—often instills deep fear. To shield myself from the full impact of this fear, I blocked out memories or numbed my emotions.
Self-Preservation: My brain worked to prioritize survival. This meant I typically compartmentalized traumatic events so that I could continue to function in daily life. I have only just realised I was doing this as I have been on my healing journey.
Shame and Guilt: I was often manipulated into believing the abuse from my teenage abuser (story for another day) was my fault. As a result, I suppressed my feelings of shame or guilt to avoid confronting the painful reality, plus I was only 6 years old and in someone else’s care at the time, who also happened to be the parents of the abuser.
Lack of Emotional Safety: We could not express emotions in our house, or it would lead to further punishment. I quickly learnt it was safer to suppress those feelings entirely.

The Short-Term Impact of Suppressing Memories and Emotions

In the short term, suppressing memories and emotions may have helped navigate the abusive environments. This coping mechanism only provided temporary relief, allowing me to focus on school, friendships, or other aspects of life. However, this survival strategy often came with immediate consequences, including:

Emotional Numbness: Suppressing negative emotions which lead to a general sense of detachment from all emotions, even positive ones.
Difficulty Trusting Others: When caregivers are the source of harm, it becomes challenging to trust anyone, even people who genuinely care. I did not trust very many people.
Confusion and Self-Doubt: Suppressed memories and emotions created a sense of inner turmoil, as a child I struggled to understand the experience or validate my own feelings.

The Long-Term Consequences of Suppressing Memories and Emotions

While suppression may have helped me as a child survive in the moment, the long-term consequences are now profound and pervasive and are manifesting in adulthood.

Mental Health Challenges: My suppressed memories and emotions are now resurfacing later in life in the form of anxiety, depression and possibly post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Difficulty Regulating Emotions: I now struggle to identify, process, or express my emotions, which has been leading to emotional outbursts or chronic numbness.
Strained Relationships: I know now, as I have been going through therapy and healing, that my suppressed emotions interfere with intimacy and trust, making it hard to build healthy, meaningful relationships even in my marriage.
Physical Health Issues: Research has shown that unresolved trauma can manifest in physical symptoms, such as chronic pain, fatigue, or autoimmune disorders. Well, I am always tired for no reason, complete exhaustion with no medical cause.

Breaking the Cycle: Steps Toward Healing

The good news is that healing is possible, even for those of us who have spent years suppressing our memories and emotions. My journey began when my marriage was in trouble, and the real healing began when my father’s narcissistic behaviour started to infiltrate my family, and that was when I started to acknowledge the pain and seek support. Here are some steps that can help:

Therapy: I am currently seeing a psychologist to help with the emotions and pain. The psychologist gives me tools to use to help with this process.
Building Emotional Awareness: Journaling, mindfulness, and other reflective practices help me focus on how I am feeling in the moment and put a name to the feelings/ emotions.
Creating Safe Relationships: I am a very solitary type of person. I keep my circle of friends small and with people whom I know I can trust and have my best interest at heart; if they don’t, then they are no longer part of my circle.
Self-Compassion: This is the hardest for me, as I don’t like to be seen as weak or be in a situation for long periods so giving myself compassion to feel and time to heal has been a real struggle because it is a long process and I am slowly coming to learn it’s a process I may be in for quite a while.

A Call for Understanding and Support

As a society, it is our responsibility to recognize the signs of abuse, offer support, and create safe spaces for these children to express themselves. For those carrying the scars of a suppressed childhood into adulthood, healing is possible with time, patience, and the right support.

By bringing these hidden struggles into the light, we can help break the cycle of silence and give survivors the tools they need to reclaim their voice, their emotions, and their lives. We can also help our younger generation to start to break these cycles by educating them on abusive relationships and being aware of the red flags and how to deal with it in an appropriate way.

With love

A Child With a Voice